I faked an abortion last night.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My feet surprised me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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