I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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