tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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