I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
