yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
