Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
