Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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