Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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