I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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