Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
