He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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