the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
