it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
