I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
