Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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