Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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