He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
