looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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