hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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