Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
