There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
