i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I want to fling myself into the sun
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
