soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
