Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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