OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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