eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
