dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
