i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
