I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
