That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
