I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
