sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
