I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have aggressive nipples.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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