On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
