is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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