she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
