My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
