I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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