if you like me you must not know who I am
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
