I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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