I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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