Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
