Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
