she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
