so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
