I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
