Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
