Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
