Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
jump out the window naked night went bad
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
