I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
