I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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